Why must have it taken me going away from the place I have known all of my life to realize that I may have anxiety? I don't feel well. I am nervous. I have ever ending nerves since coming here. I don't know what to do or say. I don't want to go home for several reasons, staring with: it's only been two days. I haven't even begun classes. I have read the syllabus for two classes, and that is what makes me nervous. Speaking in front of people. I don't know how to do it. I am uncomfortable, my voice shakes, I feel warm for tens of minutes after. The last I spoke in front of a large crowd was almost two years ago, after it happened, I cried in my seat for almost ten minutes after. I don't want to be put on the spot, but unfortunately this class is required. How will I survive? Other than that, I do not have the syllabuses for the other classes and that makes me nervous. Was I already supposed to have them? I haven't been notified that I should, yet was if I'm supposed to have read them? Can I handle being here? I can leave if I want, I just don't want it to be so soon. Maybe I should have stayed? Will leaving after a year be okay? I don't know anything. I don't even have the medication I want to relieve myself of headaches and stress. In the end, typing this, I can't give any other reasons why I'm nervous? Yes, there's speaking and doing well in class, but why I am so nervous because of so few reasons? Is this anxiety? My stomach aches, my head is clouded, I shake, I feel unwell, I can't get over the nervous feeling. I need help.

Why do I feel nothing? At what age is one supposed to know what they want in life? For most, at the age of 18 students are expected to have an idea of what they want in life and then sent to a university to accomplish said thing. 17 is the age I am now being sent into what is known as "the adult world." I will be entering college, entering a world that is completely different from what I've known, and I'm expected to succeed. Why am I not happy that I am moving on in life? I was accepted into a well known school, with high  marks, yet I do not have any interest in going. Some may say, why didn't you just wait? But how could I? I do not have any confidence in myself and did not think I would ever be ready to move on. For that reason, I pushed myself into this situation. I don't know what I want in life, I have nothing I want to be. So many will say that you can go to school then later on find yourself, but I don't believe that. In our society, waiting usually means failure. I fear failure. I have so many different thoughts about college and the future, many questions, but no answers. No one knows the future, I understand that, but usually people have some sort of goal or want to keep them going. Me? I have nothing. My words throughout this entire text many have gotten jumbled or random, but I think it comes down to that. I have nothing I want. I don't know where I am going or how I'm going to accomplish it. My only chance is to try, but I'm afraid. I don't believe in myself. I'll try, don't know if I'll make it, but getting out my thoughts calmed me down for now. I'll go out there and try, mostly because I made the decision myself. I can't back out now. I'm just not sure how things will go being who I am.